A Saturday Morning Check-in

Where have I been exactly? I’ve been everywhere, man. I’ve been everywhere.

Wilbur has found the catnip. He’s an elderly gentleman of the feline variety who is proving to be an able housemate. We are taking care of him for the moment. You see, my step-mother, Julia Hudgins, passed away the Wednesday of Holy Week. It was not expected at all. But, she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia Monday of Holy Week. She had been living with it for some time and no one knew. The complications of the disease were more than she could overcome, and so, she died. We are heartbroken. We called her “Toots” and we loved her very much.

Grief is funny stuff. It’s ever-present and yet sneaks up on one somehow.

I’m on my third cup of coffee this morning. I’ve been keeping up with my medications (Type 2 diabetes and Bipolar II pharmaceuticals). I have been struggling, however, to maintain a healthy diet because all of my comfort foods involve a cream sauce, cheese, or bread. Really, it’s all about the carbohydrates. I do love carbs. These are all accompanied with a generous serving of sloth. So, self-care is a mixed bag. Gentleness is essential in such times.

I’ve been processing a lot of this grief on Facebook. I’ve been processing a lot of this grief in my work as a hospice chaplain. I’ve been playing music. I’ve been shirking my duties. Again, it’s a mixed bag of kinds of care.

Today’s Franciscan Nugget:

“Day Twenty Six - The Second Note, cont'd - Therefore, we seek to love all those to whom we are bound by ties of family or friendship. Our love for them increases as their love for Christ grows deeper. We have a special love and affection for members of the Third Order, praying for each other individually and seeking to grow in that love. We are on our guard against anything which might injure this love, and we seek reconciliation with those from whom we are estranged. We seek the same love for those with whom we have little natural affinity, for this kind of love is not a welling up of emotion, but is a bond founded in our common union with Christ.”

And from Pope Francis…

The first step that God takes toward us is that of a love that anticipates and is unconditional. God is the first to love. God does not love because there is something in us that engenders love. God loves us because he himself is love, and, by its very nature, love tends to spread and give itself. God does not even condition his benevolence on our conversion. If anything, this is a consequence of God’s love. - General Audience, June 14, 2017

This is the love Jesus modeled for us. This is the love that we are to embody. No one has to get it right first…”do this thing and then I will love you.” That’s not Christian. There are no expectations or conditions on God’s love. There should be none on our love for one another and all of creation.

So, back to the beginning of this post. Grief. Grief is all the love we have left unexpressed. It is the desire of God for all of us left unexpressed. God grieves with us. And yet God’s love is so strong that death cannot undo or overcome it. God’s love brings resurrection…the upending of death and despair.

Death is never the end of the story. Never.

Be excellent to each other.