Vocation, Music, and ChatGPT or Why I Want to Be a Hermit

This entry started on paper. Weird, right?

So, where to begin?

I’m a cautious person by nature. Every adventurous or risky choice I have ever made (Hey! Let’s move to Berkeley, CA so I can do a PhD and see what happens!) has also been an attempt to step outside myself.

Vocationally, entering the Christian ministry was an enormous risk. I am not a natural leader. I cuss a lot. I’m a recovering alcoholic and my (mandated) psych evaluations reveal a cornucopia of related foibles. I’m bipolar. The list goes on.

None of these should prohibit me from trying, according to the generosity of my mentors, and the otherwise and kind of leaders I have known. But I should on myself with some regularity… Thus, I limit my own choices and withdraw from opportunities and even responsibilities with great alacrity.

If it were solely up to me, I would be living in a small house in the mountains, somewhere away from all sense of adventure and obligation.

But it’s not solely up to me. I live with and for others. First, I am a spouse and parent. I am part of a family. I’ve got people all over the country to whom I am responsible. Then there’s the Music. That shit won’t leave me alone.

I awoke the other morning understanding something new to me. I think I know what I need to do with my life. Weird, right? Does that ever happen? I mean, really?

I was talking with my son last week about this. He doesn’t have any idea what he wants to be when he grows up. But he loves to draw and use his imagination. Sometimes he wants to be an inventor. I told him that I have known sometimes and not known other times. It’s all good. He doesn’t have to know. Ever.

That said, however, I want to be in a program for “older singers” to retool and sing professionally. I want to be an Ordained Chorister and make music all the day long. That’s what I want. You know, like the Yale Institute of Sacred Music but for older people like me.

I’m hatching a plan. It’s an absurd plan with no market, but I’m doing it anyway because otherwise I’ll lose hope. And that would be terrible.

Here’s a promotional picture of me as a young turk making the music.

For shits and giggles, I asked ChatGPT whether or not I was a musician or a musicologist. “Is Tripp Hudgins a musician or a musicologist?”

Its answer…

Tripp Hudgins is primarily known as both a musician and a musicologist, as well as a theologian and liturgical scholar. His work explores the intersections of music, theology, and liturgy, often with an emphasis on how communal music-making shapes religious experience and identity.

Hudgins is particularly interested in what he calls "musicking"—the act of making music in community—and how it relates to liturgical practices, theological reflection, and everyday life. His work addresses how music functions as a form of theological discourse and how it influences eschatological themes within Christian worship and beyond.

In addition to his academic contributions, Hudgins is an active musician, integrating these interests into his own practice of music-making, particularly within church and communal settings. His interdisciplinary work bridges the roles of practitioner and scholar, making him notable in both fields.

Eerily accurate.

Why am I sharing all this with y’all this morning? Whelp, I’m making plans. I’m hatching something risky and adventurous. This is not “what does God want me to do with my life?” I feel like I’m always answering that question: Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly. Instead, I’m feeling my way through the economic forces in the nation. Health care (my current field) is rapidly privatizing. Christian institutions are in a constant state of flux. And the academy - my beloved academy - has become a business. So, what the hell am I doing? What the fuck am I clinging to?

It’s ridiculous.

I’m done.

It’s time to change it up a bit and see what kind of good trouble I can get into.

What kind of changes are you making? What’s afoot in your world that is compelling you to retool? I’d love to know.

It’s Saturday. I have things to do and a farmers market to visit.

Y’all be excellent to each other.