Tuesday Early Morning

Do you ever simply get tired of sleeping? Bored with it? I do. It’s the constant dreaming. It’s exhausting. My brain never shuts off. That doesn’t bode well for my potential dotage, but there it is. Sleep is often unpleasant.

Good morning. There’s coffee and leftovers. It’s a chilly December morning and the neighborhood is still a’slumber. Richmond doesn’t really get cold before February, so this 20 degree weather is surprising.

I see The Mean Therapist today. I see her every other week these days. It’s been a good pace. For the most part, I’ve been doing well. I can always find something to worry about, but really, I am doing well. We’ll spend the day talking about shame and my strange love of it. Shame is an addictive thought process. It’s an easy way to measure one’s worth. That’s what makes it so powerful. There’s always more evidence to support a sense of shame. Digging one’s way out of shameful thinking takes a rewriting of one’s sense of self. One needs to find a new story to tell.

In other news, I’ve been thinking a lot about writing. This is, of course, why I am thinking about shame. It gets in the way of the things I’d like to do…like writing, or finding some way to finish the PhD. Yes, I still think about that, too. Ha! I’m a stubborn fool. But the short of it is that I do not think I am enough…not enough to do something like write a book. This is a selfish perspective in its own right, of course, but there it is. I hold authors and academics in high esteem. I appreciate the use of intellect and compassion to uplift others through writing, sharing ideas and insights. I laud it.

Today’s Franciscan Nugget: “Day Three - The Object, cont'd - Jesus calls those who would serve him to follow his example and choose for themselves the same path of renunciation and sacrifice. To those who hear and obey he promises union with God. The object of the Society of Saint Francis is to build a community of those who accept Christ as their Lord and Master and are dedicated to him in body and spirit. They surrender their lives to him and to the service of his people. The Third Order of the Society consists of those who, while following the ordinary professions of life, feel called to dedicate their lives under a definite discipline and vows. They may be female or male, married or single, ordained or lay.”

The Third Order has been around since the time of Francis. What I like about this description is that it is Jesus who calls and not Francis. We look to Francis as a kind of barometer, but we do not follow him. We follow Christ.

Suddenly, “Day By Day” from Godspell is echoing in my mind. Ha!

Following His example is the challenge and call. Union with God is the aim. More than an interior disposition, this looks like something in the body politic. It is a posture of service, simplicity, and sacrifice. Sacrifice is living from a place of compassion for others from which one gives of the self expecting nothing in return. It looks like Jesus.

Okay…enough of this navel gazing. I should turn my attentions outward.

Y’all be excellent to each other.